When it's summer I look forward to snow and cold crisp air; when it's winter I wish for it to get warmer soon.

Being in a new country with no one knowing what I was like before, I thought I would have changed more than I did. I can be anyone I want right? It turns out that's easier said than done. I found myself largely being who I was, holding on tightly to my values and habits. At first, I thought that I was just too old to change drastically. But as time went by I found myself becoming more open, more trusting and more willing to share my emotions. Change should come naturally, so I don't think it's good or bad that change for me has been slight and slow.

I'll tell you how I definitely did change. Small talk is practically non-existent back home, but in the US it's a norm. It's something I had to pick up. What kind of questions do I ask? What keeps a conversation going to avoid the dreaded awkward silence? When I saw that I could learn so much about a piece of someone's life simply from small talk, be it an Uber driver or even my professor, I saw the value of it. I know that some people hate it: it gives the impression that you have a deeper relationship with someone than you actually do. I can see where they are coming from, but I find that that's also what makes small talk fun and special. You can find connection with another human being, even if just for a brief moment.

I'm re-learning how to say no and protect my time. I thought this was something I was good at, but perhaps it's the FOMO that comes with being in college. Taking up any opportunity that comes my way and not knowing to leave when I should have been what has made me feel like I have too much on my plate. It's definitely good that I got to explore and experience many different things and that I kept myself busy, but I want to prioritize how I spend my time and put more thought into what I'm doing. I don't want to simply be swept away by "busyness". It's my big goal this year to be more intentional with my time and do what I truly want to, but still leave space for happy accidents.

I've been thinking a lot about misalignment with old friends lately, especially since I've just gone back home for the first time in a long while. My visual representation of friendships is that it's like watching raindrops roll down a window. Individual raindrops on their own path can meet to form one, but after a short while or perhaps a long time it hits something and one becomes two going their separate ways. Maybe they'll meet again, maybe they won't. That's a round about way of making my point that this is the way relationships work out, and misalignment happens when we are simply leading lives in different places or when our values no longer align. People have their own lives, experiences which shape their worldviews, and new relationships they get into. If we are on diverging paths, let them go. No matter what, they've shaped who I am now in one way or another, whether our bond was through middle and high school days, or the shared trauma in the 2 years of service. That's just life.

When I first travelled to the US one year ago, I was worried about my future and sad that I was leaving everything at home behind. This time it's excitement (though there's still worry deep down).