after last semester, i promised myself that i would make sure not to take on too much. i was tired and felt like i didn't have enough time to allocate to each of the things i wanted: exams, projects, a job, all on top of sleep and taking care of myself. that meant i did things without giving them my all, i put partial pieces of myself in each thing i did.

surely i learned a lesson right? nope. i've taken on just as many things this semester. tougher classes, projects, and now research labs. time is in very limited supply, and i've been trying to work out how i can fit everything into my week. i keep telling myself "just stay afloat"but i want to do better than just surviving. i've often wondered if it's better to fully commit to one thing and strive to become an expert in that than to dip my toes in many different things and try to be alright at all of them. i haven't figured it out, but i think the latter is what i want at this point in my life. it's likely i would benefit career-wise if i were to fully commit to just one thing, but that would be quite antithetical to a liberal arts education and i think that i'm at a special time in my life where i can freely do this.

that still leaves a big question unanswered though: how can i find the time to do everything and do them well? i don't want to just stay afloat. attention might be the answer.

when doing work, i often find my thoughts wandering off to other tasks i have, something about a different class i suddenly remembered, or a hypothetical situation i begin daydreaming about. that's not good. it takes too long to get my mind back into place, and it's just time wasted that wouldn't have been the case had my mind been completely focused. i have seen how much more i can do with uninterrupted focus, a flow, and this is of course something studied quite extensively (maybe when i find the time i'll read books like Deep Work). a recent event that had no business taking up as much time and attention in my life as it did fueled reflection. to prevent myself from being pulled away by random thoughts or trivial events in life that i perceive as important and have it consume my attention and time; that is what i need to keep reminding myself. to focus on what truly matters, and shut out all else. in my search, what i've come across will hopefully serve as a guiding light for the rest of the semester.

The value of attentiveness varies in proportion to its object. You're better off not giving the small things more time than they deserve. (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations Book Four, 32)

along with this, i'm finding that a mindset that helped in sports to be so useful. the only thing that matters is the point you are playing for right now. whatever just happened doesn't matter. abstracting to academic work, it helps me focus on what i have in front of me. all that matters is the single problem i am trying to solve right now. the single concept i need to understand. the single line of code i need to figure out. a line from Roger Federer's speech at Dartmouth's commencement, although out of context (he means it more of when facing a setback) puts it best:

When you are playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it's behind you, it's behind you. This mindset is really crucial because it frees you to fully commit to the next point, and the next point after that.

a sunset lately. still waiting for fall foliage and consistently low temperatures.